Childhood and trauma is a sobering paring of words. Events painful enough to cause a wound to the mind and nervous system can rock the strongest adult, but how much more devastating trauma is to a developing child!
Statistically, almost every adult in the United States is in some sort of relationship with a child who has experienced trauma. Remember that the word “trauma” can usually be substituted for the word “wound.” The event is not the trauma itself, but the response the body and brain experience in its wake.
Consider the various things that could cause a traumatic wound in a child’s life- a difficult pregnancy, a caregiver that frequently did not respond to needs, neglect, hunger, poverty, witnessing violence, the death of a loved one, a significant life change, bullying, sibling abuse, a dysfunctional parental relationship, addiction, medical procedures, lack of medical or mental health care, foster care, adoption, and a variety of emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual, and sexual abuse. This list merely scratches the surface of possible causes.
Remember also that exposure to these situations does not guarantee a trauma response in a person, but it does increase the likelihood. A variety of reasons are at play in determining if a person will develop a traumatic wound such as genetics, support systems, access to healthy food, age, and previous opportunities to learn resiliency.
One thing I like to mention is that children are not born resilient. Our household hears the phrase, “Good thing kids are resilient!” all the time. And while it is well-meaning, it simply isn’t true.
Resiliency is a skill that is learned. It must be modeled by a safe adult and practiced repeatedly in minor challenges for a person to adequately use that skill. A child who is experiencing an environment that is unsafe for his emotional, physical, or developmental growth will not have the tools to develop resiliency. This increases the likelihood that trauma will build on itself, causing more and more damage.
Another important consideration is that childhood trauma is usually not limited to a single event. Abuse rarely occurs only once. Situational difficulties like neglect, parental dysfunction, addiction, and others often arise together, thus complicating the damage to a child.
Armed with these basic facts, how does that change the way we interact with children who have experienced trauma?
Firstly, remember that this is a child created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). This is a human being that God lovingly crafted and forsaw from the beginning of time itself. Sometimes in our desire to understand, we can begin to label people by their diagnoses or trauma. The risk with this method is it can potentially dehumanize a very real person in front of you. You must fight to always keep your eyes first on this fellow image-bearer and not his or her trauma.
Second, know that trauma physically and chemically changes the brain. A child living under the pain of a single traumatic event, or a pattern of trauma, will comprehend the world and interact with it in a different way than a non-traumatized child.
Think of the brain in two sections. You can even make a fist and place your other hand on top of it to help with the illustration. The top hand wrapped around your fist represents your “upper brain.” This includes parts of the brain such as the frontal lobe, where rational thought and consequences can be sorted. Your fist positioned underneath represents the “lower brain.” This is often called the reptilian or primitive brain. It is developed first in utero and is the more instinctive part of the brain, responsible for things like heart rate, breathing, digestion, and other bodily processes.
When a person experiences a traumatic event, his “upper brain” goes offline and the body responds to the control of the “lower brain.” This downstairs part of the brain is functioning in a life-preserving state at all times, because it is the part of the brain literally responsible for life.
If the lower part of the brain senses some sort of danger (this could be physical or emotional), it will focus all of its energy on survival. This is where terms like “fight,” “flight,” and “freeze” come into play.
If you suddenly came face to face with a tiger, your lower brain would kick into overdrive. It would increase your heart rate to push blood to your muscles so you could run, it would increase your breathing so your blood is thoroughly oxygenated, your reflexes would wake up to fight or flee, your pupils would dilate to let in more light so you could see clearly, and a whole host of other fascinating bodily responses would be initiated.
This part of the brain may also respond to a traumatic event by shutting down. If the danger receptors in the brain determine that fighting back or running away will cause more harm than good, the brain will go “offline” and cause the body to “freeze” (shut down) or “fawn” (flatter or appease the threat to avoid harm). The heart will slow, breathing will become shallow, and the mind may completely dissociate in an attempt to ward off conscious memories of a reality too painful to bear. God created us in a magnificent way to keep us safe!
One problem with this in our fallen world though is that a trauma wound gets stuck in the brain instead of processed correctly. This means that when a person is triggered by a sight, smell, memory, etc., of the trauma, his body will automatically return to control of the lower brain. Because the upper brain is turned off, it makes daily life far more complicated. In this state, a child will not be able to learn new information in a classroom setting, she may explode in rage (a survival fight response) to what seems like a minor stressor, or he may appear to be non-compliant to reasonable instruction because his mind has forced is body to freeze until the perceived danger has passed.
From the outside, it may seem that a child is a troublemaker or disobedient, but really his brain has simply reverted to survival. Without compassionate training, the brain cannot learn to override these trauma responses.
Another problem with complex or repeated trauma, is that the brain becomes so accustomed to being dominated by the lower brain, the actual brain structures can grow larger in size. This means that the primal part of the brain will be larger than the appropriate proportions of the upper brain, making it harder for the logical brain to work effectively. It is similar to going to the gym and building only arm muscles. The body needs proportionate arm and leg muscles to work best. Because the lower brain is much “stronger” than the upper brain from being overworked, the body will defer to its control more often than it should.
It also means that the brain is constantly being washed in stress hormones, which affect the entire body. A brain accustomed to frequent cortisol and adrenaline can begin to think the lack of those hormones is unusual and therefore unsafe. A person struggling to regulate this may subconsciously begin to prefer and even create stressful situations because it feels normal.
These constant levels of stress can present as various physical pains and ailments, and research is showing that childhood trauma is correlated to chronic and autoimmune diseases in adulthood.
So what is a loving, safe adult to do when interacting with a traumatized child who is actively dysregulated?
*Please note that these techniques will benefit all children, not only those who are traumatized.*
Here are some basic starting points:
1- Keep your voice and body calm. If you are dysregulated, you will further dysregulate the child in front of you.
2- Get on the child’s level. Be aware that your larger size and agitated posture will further trigger a child. Kneel to her level so you are not towering over her. Do not force her to make eye contact and do not force physical contact.
3- Take your focus off of his behavior. Remember this is a wounded person whose mind is trying to protect his body.
4- Quietly assure the child she is safe. Her brain is only focused on safety- regardless of what her actions look like.
5- Model regulated behavior. You can encourage the child to copy you taking deep breaths. Offer a squishy toy to squeeze. Ask him if he would like a hug. Take a walk in the fresh air. Jump on a trampoline. Wash hands in cold water. Sensory input may help the child return to the present instead of subconsciously ruminating on past pains.
6- When the child’s body appears calmer, you can slowly initiate conversation by naming the emotions and behavior the child displayed. Remind the child of your role to provide safety and joy for him and any other friends present. Allow the upper brain to come back online. New behavior cannot be taught until the brain is regulated.
I want to take this opportunity to explicitly state that if you know of a child in immediate danger, call the appropriate authorities. While some stressors may be unavoidable in childhood, abuse is not. It is not to be tolerated and should be reported immediately for the safety of the child.
It is an unfortunate reality that our world is broken. That brokenness is responsible for the trauma that burdens so many. Grief is a good and right response to the pain all around us. It is ok to be sad and overwhelmed at the stories you may encounter.
Christians have the gift of knowing that God is not far away from our pain. He stepped into it Himself to save us from the consequences of not only our own sin, but the sin of others that has hurt us. We labor under these painful current realities, but not in vain. We rest assured that He collects all of our tears (Psalm 56:8) and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18).
Trauma inflicted on children is the most abhorrent of all. We see this same sentiment reflected when Jesus cautions those around Him that it would be better for them to have a millstone tied around their necks and tossed into the sea than to cause a little one to stumble (Matthew 18:6). He cares greatly for the children He made and holds a rod of justice in His hand. When we take the time to enter the trauma of children around us, we press further into His heart of compassion. When we labor for their healing, we hold fast to His promise to one day make all things right again.
Childhood trauma is excruciating for those who experience it and can be confusing for safe adults who want to love them well. I urge you, friends, to not grow weary in loving these little ones well.
All children are worthy of healing.
