Preparing our Hearts
We are counting down the DAYS until we leave to go get Little Man. Baby Girl has started saying we are going to “bust him out”, and in many ways that’s exactly how it feels. He has been a prisoner in his crib for far too long.
Preparations look similar to planning for any trip. There are clothes to wash, rooms to organize, clean sheets to put on beds (a MANDATORY part of my checklist on every trip- nothing like coming home to your own, clean bed!), and toys to pack. I am enjoying packing for FOUR for the first time though!
In addition to packing material things, Hubby and I are working on packing our hearts full of the tools we will need to parent this little boy and thrive on this first trip. If you are my friend on Facebook, you have likely seen the many articles I have been posting about the importance of attachment and bonding for children who have never truly received love. It is overwhelming to think of all the developmental things a child has missed from not being in a family. For instance, did you know that your sense of balance is partially developed from the rocking and bouncing you receive from your mother as a fussy infant? Things like cars and swings could be a major issue for you if all you have ever known is lying on your back in a crib. Imagine then the depth perception and visual stimuli you have as you learn to sit up and play. And imagine the lack of it, if you stared only at a white ceiling in your first months and years.
Now, we don’t know exactly what Little Man’s experience was as a baby. We saw clearly that his nanny cared deeply for him, but realistically, even with the most caring nanny, a room full of abandoned babies cannot possibly have all of their needs met with one or two people. And trust can only build so much when your primary caregiver works on a shift schedule. Moms and Dads were designed to be constant in a child’s life. We will spend the first weeks and months spending time alone with Little Man so he can learn that we will never leave him.
In planning our trip, Hubby and I are preparing ourselves for a very rough few weeks. I have not read one pick-up story in which the child adjusted immediately to his new family. Most children spend days, weeks, months or even years crying, biting themselves or others, rocking, pulling their own hair out, inducing vomiting, beating their heads agains the floor, etc. (I am simply writing this to be honest with those who are planning to walk with us through this new phase in our family’s life.) These are children with broken souls. They are coming from hard places.
Try to imagine being a child young enough that you can be physically carried (likely against your will) away from the only building and faces you have ever known. These new people speak calmly towards you, but you can’t understand what they are saying. They smell funny. Everything they eat is weird. They put you in a car (maybe for the first time ever) and drive you to another building, only to have some person in a white coat hurt your arm with a shiny stick. Then red stuff pours out of you. You get to a new place with a big bed and a crib. You’ve never sat in water that reaches your tummy- you’ve only ever been squirted with cold water from a shower head. Somehow you are supposed to now go to sleep in your new crib with these weird blankets and pillows. Then just as you are starting to adjust, they put you on a spaceship and fly you around the world to another new place where EVERYONE talks funny and looks different.
The fear of being abandoned again by these new parents is a reality for these kids. Everything they’ve ever known has been torn away, who is to say it won’t happen again?
Yes, in preparing for our trip, we are storing up the tools we will need to begin to help heal the hurt in his little heart. We are trying to cram in as much time as a couple to focus, pray and strengthen our own relationship, as it will be tried in ways we have never known. We have spent hours with Baby Girl, playing, laughing and talking with her about how much she is loved. This will be a difficult trial for her as well.
So why would we do this anyway? I mean, who in his right mind would INTENTIONALLY put his family under this stress and indefinite chaos?
I have many different ways I can answer that question. But the one that I can’t ignore is: JESUS. Jesus would put Himself in harm’s way to heal the brokenness of a hurting soul. He would give it all. For me. He saw me alone, wallowing in my own filth, a prisoner in my own crib of sin. And He came for me.
He came for me.
And we can’t sit in our freedom from bondage, after being given more love than we can contain ourselves and NOT go back for those who haven’t seen His face.
We have to go back for him. He’s ours. He is spoken for. We DELIGHT in calling him our child.
The Father has filled our hearts with His promises and we know that following Him is not always easy, but we can testify from our own lives, that following Him is always the most joyful. He sees so much more than we can, and we KNOW that He has made us a family. So if the journey of becoming a family is even harder than the waiting, we can be certain of His great love for His children, and therefore, know He is still worthy of our adoration. And if the bonding process is painless, we will praise Him just the same (although more well-rested than the alternative, I’m sure!).
But let’s face it, having two toddlers only 6 weeks apart in age is going to be a storm all on its own! 😉
And so we prepare. Â We prepare physically by packing. Â We prepare emotionally as our relationships with each other will be different forever after adding another child. Â We prepare to say goodbye to our friends and family for some time as we pour into Little Man. Â And we prepare spiritually by studying, worshipping and memorizing the promises He has given us.
