2 Samuel – The Fangs of Bitterness: Two Men Who Show Us How To Avoid The Poison

2 Samuel is a continuation of 1 Samuel and mostly focuses on the reign of King David. If you’d like a refresher of some things covered in that book, you can find it here: 1 Samuel – The Prophetic Lullaby – MandyGunter.com

There are two stories in 2 Samuel that absolutely fascinate me. One is a relationship story I’ve been mulling over for years; another is a detail I noticed for the first time as I studied to write this.

We will compare and contrast these two stories here, but first I want to reiterate how we should approach the Bible. It is a good position to always come to a passage of Scripture with the question, “What does this teach me about God? What is He revealing about Himself?” In Old Testament historical accounts, we should also remember that these are the narratives of real people’s lives. God is not condoning every action they commit. He is preserving their stories to display the heart of all mankind and how He sovereignly reigns over all things.

That being said, let’s jump in!

David the giant-slayer has reigned as king of Israel for multiple years now. He has accumulated multiple wives and children into his household. Many of those children are now adults.

If you remember the story of how David brought his wife, Bathsheba, into his family, you’ll also recall the generational turmoil included the consequences for his sin.

King David stays home from a war he is expected to lead. Wandering to his rooftop one night, he peers over Jerusalem and spots a beautiful woman bathing. Bathsheba is following the law given to Moses, requiring her to cleanse after her monthly cycle. David calls for an attendant to ask about her and realizes she is the wife of his trusted friend, Uriah. Uriah is away battling in the war David neglected.

David abuses his power as king, sending for Bathsheba, sleeping with her, then casting her away. When Bathsheba reveals she is pregnant, David formulates a plan to murder Uriah and claim his widow as his wife.

Content that the loose ends are neatly tied, David continues with his life until the prophet, Nathan, exposes his sin and proclaims the Lord’s discipline for his calloused actions.

“Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in His sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonities. Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.” Thus says the LORD, “Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.”

2 Samuel 12: 9-12

The Lord speaks directly, His condemnation of sin decisive and severe.

While David immediately humbles himself in repentance, the consequences are not removed. We see this theme throughout Scripture and can appropriately apply it to our own lives.

Our sin is a stench in the nostrils of a holy God. While Christians are spared eternal punishment as Jesus gives us His righteousness, we are not exempt from consequences of our actions in this lifetime. From “minor” to “major” sins, each decision has an effect. Consider that a harsh word impacts a friendship. Foolish money management results in a low bank account. Adultery often ends in broken marriages. Pride still goes before a fall. I can think of countless examples in my life of how my sin has impacted my life in temporary and permanent ways. I am certain you can too.

Only one chapter later, we see the sword looming at the door of David’s house. God’s judgment is coming.

David is a father to many sons and daughters. Because he marries multiple wives, most of his children are half-siblings to each other. You can picture the likely tumultuous environment they experience as children.

Imagine a home housing one husband and multiple wives with all of their children. As human nature has not changed in a few thousand years, jealousy, competition, bitterness, and arguments were probably common themes under David’s roof.

As these children grow to adulthood, one son develops an attraction to his half-sister.

Now Absalom, David’s son, had a beautiful sister, whose name was Tamar. And after a time Amnon, David’s son, loved her. And Amnon was so tormented that he made himself ill because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed impossible to Amnon to do anything to her.

2 Samuel 13: 1 & 2

Listen to the language the author uses. Amnon develops and then nurses these sinful feelings towards his half-sister, Tamar. He allows himself to be consumed by wicked thoughts to the point that he makes himself sick. Notice then the wording in at the end of verse 2. He thinks it impossible to do anything to her.

The reader is left to think Amnon is not interested in attempting a respectable relationship, only to do whatever he pleases to Tamar. This does not read as a love interest. The story displays a man who has refused to acknowledge or repent of his lust. He does not seem ill over the idea of his sin. He is sick because he cannot contrive a plan to take and dominate whatever he wills.

In the wings, another man stands at the ready to waltz to center stage.

But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother. And Jonadab was a very crafty man.

2 Samuel 13:3

Do you feel the pit in your stomach as the author lays this groundwork?

And he said to him, “O son of the king, why are you so haggard morning after morning? Will you not tell me? Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, by brother Absalom’s sister.”
Jonadab said to him, “Lie down on your bed and pretend to be ill. And when your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Let my sister Tamar come and give me bread to eat, and prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat it from her hand.’”

2 Samuel 13: 4 & 5

Amnon agrees to this plan and when Tamar is sent to prepare a meal for him, he violently rapes her despite her terrified pleading.

This story is horrifying. The brutality of it rightly churns the stomach of the reader, as its author intended. I encourage you to read 2 Samuel to see how it plays out. Today, I want to zoom in closely to a detail I never noticed before.

Jonadab saunters onto the scene, identified by two titles- Amnon’s friend and David’s nephew!

If you read 1 Samuel, you remember the day the prophet Samuel follows God’s order to go to Jesse’s house to anoint a new king. Jesse brings in his hopeful eldest son first. One son after another is rejected until finally the shepherd boy is brought in. God proclaims this youngest son is to be King of Israel and Samuel obediently anoints him.

Jonadab is the son of Shimeah, Jesse’s third oldest son.

Jesse is shocked that the eldest son is not the choice for king. Imagine the hope in each son’s eyes as he is presented to Samuel, praying his older brother is passed over so he can claim the throne. Seven sons are discarded one by one. Consider the mood in the room as the smelly shepherd boy is called in from the fields as the last chance.

If you know a family with many children or a significant age gap, you can let your imagination play out this tale. At best, it would be difficult for a much older sibling to think the baby of the family has the maturity to lead anything, much less a country.

While the Bible does not explicitly detail this, the crafty nature of cousin Jonadab is possibly a result of jealousy and bitterness of his father. Can you picture the dinner table conversation when Jonadab’s father recounts the story of David’s anointing?

Perhaps David’s older brothers nursed a grudge against David and passed it to their own sons. Jonadab himself greets Amnon by the title “O son of the king.” Is he sarcastically showing his true feelings?

Continue reading and the nauseating story grows in intensity.

After raping Tamar, Amnon hates her more than he ever liked her. He casts her out, violated, terrified, and her future ruined by cultural standards. Unable to secure a marriage, Tamar is welcomed into her brother Absalom’s home where he cares for her until the end of his life. She seems forgotten by her people and her father, King David. But she is not forgotten by God.

Where do you think the snake slithers next?

That bitterness and hatred is planted into Absalom’s heart and mind. He burrows it deep, crafting a long-term plan to avenge his sister against both his half-brother, Amnon, and his apathetic father, David.

Absalom spends the next years of his life plotting to kill Amnon and take the throne from David.

After the murder of Amnon, David is forced to flee his palace as Absalom gains the hearts of the people, and as Absalom rises to power, another character moves into the spotlight.

David is on the run, bringing most of his household with him. Ahithophel, David’s counselor for many years, chooses to stay behind with Absalom. The betrayal to David is deep. Ahithophel’s role in David’s life was no small thing.

Now in those days the counsel of Ahithophel gave was if one consulted the word of God; so was all the counsel of Ahithophel esteemed, both by David and Absalom.

2 Samuel 16:23

Many scholars believe Ahithophel is the subject of David’s lament in Psalm 41.

Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.

Psalm 41:9

Feeling the deep sting of this pain, Jesus quotes part of this verse in John’s gospel in reference to the betrayal of Judas!

If you piece together some genealogies from multiple verses, the picture comes into clear focus.

Ahithophel is Bathsheba’s grandfather.

Ahithophel has graced the presence of the king for years with sound advice. His wisdom is honored as if it came from the Scriptures. But we can assume that when a whisper of Bathsheba’s violation and the murder of her husband reached his ear, the temptation for bitterness and vengeance shouted in the other.

While the Bible does not give us explicit reason for his betrayal of David, it does give us clues in Ahithophel’s advice to Absalom.

Then Absalom said to Ahithophel, “Give your counsel. What shall we do?”
Ahithophel said to Absalom, “Go in to your father’s concubines, whom he has left to keep the house, and all Israel will hear that you have made yourself a stench to your father, and the hands of all who are with you will be strengthened.”
So they pitched a tent for Absalom on the roof. And Absalom went in to his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel.

2 Samuel 16: 20- 22

God’s promised consequences for the forceful taking of Bathsheba in the cover of night come full circle as her grandfather advises David’s own son to take his concubines to the same rooftops. He rapes them in broad daylight.

One drop of sin ripples across a wide lake, disrupting everything it touches.

And here is where I have spent the last months camped in the pages of Scripture.

I had no choice but to sit in stunned silence as God played these stories on repeat in my mind. Because despite the desire to see my own heart reflected in the actions of Bible “heroes,” a perfect mirror would reveal more of Jonadab and Ahithophel than I’d like to admit. Maybe you can relate.

A few years around the sun has shown me the same potential in all human hearts. None of us are above any type of sin, certainly not the silent roots of anger blossoming into bitterness. Given the right conditions, we become allies with the slithering snake of resentment instead of a dove of mercy.

Toss in varying personality types, social skill levels, traumas, and – whew! We can become as serpentine as the characters we judge in these stories.

Maybe like me, you have zero interest in leading an army in treason against a king. (Let’s be real here, with a small gaggle of children to keep alive, who’s got the time or energy for that! – Ha!) But maybe also like me, you consider snapping back at an offensive comment instead of happily choosing a soft answer to turn away wrath. Sin is sin. A heart holding a grudge may not have the same consequences of leading an army astray, but it equally condemns the sinner.

You may see these patterns in your own life. For you it might be the annoying parent in the school car line or people you avoid at the grocery store because their personalities rub you wrong.

Maybe it is more severe than that. Perhaps you have experienced betrayal in your marriage, abuse from someone who should have protected you, or catastrophic actions against someone you love.

These situations require different responses, of course. Boundaries are healthy. Humble confrontation is often encouraged. Legal involvement is necessary in some cases.

For Christians, reconciliation is not mandatory in all situations. Forgiveness is.

Wise counsel should be sought when the fingers of bitterness shift from a tempting tickle in your heart to a suffocating grip. Wisdom is necessary when discerning between brushing off an irritating comment and invoking Matthew 18’s protocol against an offense.

Christians have experienced the all-encompassing forgiveness of a merciful God. We are expected to offer forgiveness to others, as humanity’s sins against itself will always be less than the significant sins against a holy, righteous God.

This does not mean sin against us stings less. But it does mean that we must take captive our thoughts and bend our will under God’s clear instructions.

Consider Ephesians 4.

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Ephesians 4:1-3

We are to be eager to maintain unity where it is possible. How hard this is when we are hardwired to nurse grudges!

Read further and you find these instructions.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil… Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4: 29, 30 & 31

Anger is expected. We will experience anger at injustice against ourselves and others. But we are instructed while feeling anger not to sin. Paul uses the same breath to paint a picture of prolonged anger giving the devil a foothold.

Do we not see this clearly in the lives of Jonadab and Ahithophel? May we be people who learn lessons taught to us instead of living them ourselves!

It can be so easy for our fickle hearts to forget the forgiveness we have received and deny it to others who have committed minor offenses. If we allow this pattern to emerge in our lives, how much harder will it be to forgive major wrongs?

So today, I pause to sit on this rocky trail homeward, pondering the dormant sin in my own heart that seems eager to bear its fangs whenever it wills. Perhaps you should sit for a break to search yourself too. If God brings to mind a situation in your own life that needs to be dealt with, I encourage you to do it. His lovingkindness is what draws us to repentance.

These relatively minor Bible characters have a major story to tell. May we be people on this path who learn to root out our own bitterness before it impacts generations to come.

Sitting in the sanctification with you, dear friend,